To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
