peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
