am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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