She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
