i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
