I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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