I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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