All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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