things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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