I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
