I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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