I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
