Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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