really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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