Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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