I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
