when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
