Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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