I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
