Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
