At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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