Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
