The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
