White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
