I'm laying in your front yard are you home
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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