Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
