You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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