after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
