I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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