You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
