Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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