What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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