Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Randomize
