Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
