Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
