I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
