If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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