OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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