I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
