just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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