420 ftw
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
love makes seman taste better
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
