my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
