I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
