Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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