i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
