If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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