I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
