Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
