My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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