he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
