she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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