why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
